Mr. R.’s World of Math

Here’s the strange story,
Of little Bert Bromis,
I’ll tell it to you,
After you promise,
To keep it a secret,
From mom, dad, or friend,
The details contained,
May start a new trend…

Here’s how it happened,
I saw it unfold,
Believe if you will,
The truth is what’s told…
Little Bert Bromis,
Was in the first grade,
When he made the mistake,
He shouldn’t have made…
It didn’t seem much,
At the time it occurred,
But it grew to be something,
That was really absurd!
It started one morning,
He watched his dad shave,

Innocent? Yes!
But soon things got grave…
‘Cause Little Bert said,
“I want to shave too.”
“It’ll be years,
Before Daddy lets you!”
“But I want to shave now,
To have a smooth face,
As smooth as the ice,
At a speed skating race!

Daddy said, “Bert,
There’s no hair to shave,”
That upset little Bert,
So he hid in a cave…
He cried, and he cried,
And he promised himself,
He would shave the next week,
With the things on the shelf.
So Saturday morning,
While his parents slept sound,
Bert sneaked to the bathroom,
With no one around…
He took out the cream shave,
And a razor or two,

And then wet his face,
Like his father did do!

He rubbed on the shave cream,
And picked up the razor,
And shaved his small face,
As smooth as a laser!!!
Bert put the shave stuff,
Back on the shelf,
A secret with Bert,
Bert with himself…
Soon came Monday,
And Bert went to school,
In the old school bus,

Feeling real cool…
Bert walked to his classroom,
Like a big shot,
Until teacher said, “Bert,
What’s that you got?
What’s that you got,
Under your nose?
It looks just like hair,
But it’s dirt, I suppose…
Why don’t you go,
Go wash your skin?
We’ll be working on math,
So come right back in…”
After he washed it,
His face still looked dirty,
But it only got worse,
When the clock hit 2:30!!!
“Bert Bromis,
Haven’t I told you enough,
Not to use glue,
For that kind of stuff!

Gluing hair to your face,
Is a terrible trick,
What a disgrace,
You could get very sick!”

“What?” said Bert,
“I haven’t used glue,”
He insisted and cried,
Until his face was bright blue.
“Well then, who glued hair,
To the tip of your chin?
Bert, you don’t know,
The trouble you’re in!”
Bert looked in the mirror,
And things were too weird…
He looked back at teacher,
He’d sprouted a beard…

School was over,
And Bert went outside,
He got on the school bus,
And started to ride.
“Who’s the old man,
That got on the bus?”
Whispered six kids,
To the bus driver, Gus.
The bus was real quiet,
The kids were quite scared,
They’d never before,
Seen a kid with a beard…
Why did I shave,
With my father’s shave stuff?
Thought Bert,
As he tugged,
At hairs that grew gruff..
Well Bert wasn’t around,
In school the next day,
Or any day after,
Is what I must say…
Nobody knows,
Just what came to pass,
But Bert Bromis,
Was never,
Seen back in his class…