LARRY LEETOR

Larry Leetor,

He ate them in cars,
in busses, in trains,
even as he pedaled his forty speed bike.

Salted or non,
with Gabe or with Jon,
he kept eating pretzels,
until the pretzels were gone...

But there were always more,
to be bought at the store,

and he spent up his cash,
and filled up his bath,
with pretzels so numerous,
it was not at all humorous...

And he bathed in the pretzels with bubbly-bath,
until he developed a pink-pretzelly rash...

So instead,
he ate those pretzels,
with a smooth pretzel spread,
until his teeth and gums were so sore and bright red...

Then he called for his friend,
whose first name was Don,
and they kept eating the pretzels,
until the pretzels were gone...

But there were always more,
to be bought at the store,

and he spent like a fool,
to fill up a pool,

to dive into pretzels,
head first if he please,
and in the pool they were 'wet-zels'
like wet pretzels and cheese...

+

Mushy and soggy,
they tasted so fine,
on wet pretzels, thought Larry,
the whole world should dine!!!

Into the pool he dove,
his favorite dive,

called, the "Wide-open-mouth-double-flip-drive!"
He dove in again and did the
"Swallow-it-all,"
a dive in which he balled up into a ball...

Then when he hit the pretzelly soup,
he swallowed ALL the precious, pretzelly goop...

But there were always more,
to be bought at the store,

and he went there real mad
'cause he needed them bad...
"I need more pretzels," he yelled,
"I need more to survive,
without more pretzels,
I don't feel alive!"
So he bought a bag of salty,
and a bag of skinny sticks,
some honey-mustard flavored
and chocolate ones for kicks..
But it wasn't enough,
Larry was still feeling real bad,
and he started smashing the pretzels,
because he began to go mad!!!

Right on his forehead,
he ground them like corn,

Whatcha doing? Asked mom,
and he looked up with scorn!
He kept breaking poor pretzels,
into big bits of dust,
until he was covered with,
a thinly thin pretzelly crust...
But that didn't stop him,

and he just didn't cease,
he wouldn't let pretzels have any peace!!!

He kept breaking pretzels,
until he was covered real thick,
like a pretzel balloon,
that no one could prick.
And then Larry started floating,
high into the sky,
a flying pretzel machine,
don't ask me why...

Just where he went?
Well that I can tell you,
but don't tell your parents,
'cause they'll just dispel you..
You see,
Some think the moon is made of old cheese,

but the truth is it's pretzels,
and salt bearing trees...

And if you look really hard,
on a very clear night,
you'll see something you'll consider,
a very strange sight...
Right in the middle,
of the earth's only moon,
you'll see an angry young boy,
whose end came too soon...
The boy's Larry Leetor,

who never met a pretzel he didn't quite like...

 

 

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