Bert Grew a Beard

It's such a strange story,
About little Bert Bromis,
That I'll only tell it to you,
After you promise,
Not to tell your own mother,
Own father,
Or friend,
'Cause the information contained,
May start a new trend...

Here's the story,
Believe if you will,
But I saw it myself,
And can't belive it still...

Little Bert Bromis,
Was in the first grade,
1st
When he made the mistake,
He shouldn't have made...
It didn't seem much,
At the time it occurred,
But it grew to be something,
That was very absurd...

It started one morning,
As he watched his dad shave,

It seemed innocent enough,
But soon things got grave...
'Cause Little Bert said,
"I want to shave too."
Daddy said,
"It'll be a few years,
Before you do!"
"But I want to shave now,
To have a smooth face,
As smooth as the ice,
At a speed skating race!"

Daddy said,
"But Bert,
You don't have hair there to shave,"
That upset little Bert,
So he hid in his cave...
He cried, and he cried,
And he promised himself,
He would shave next week,
With the things on the shelf.

So Saturday morning,
When his parents slept sound,
Bert sneaked to the bathroom,
With no one around...
He took out the cream shave,

And a razor or two,

And then wet his face,
Like his father did do!

He rubbed on the shave cream,
And picked up the razor,
Aand shaved his small face,
As smooth as a laser!!!
Then Bert put the shave stuff,
Back on the shelf,
A secret between Bert,
Bert with himself...

Soon came Monday,
And Bert went to school,
Sitting in the old school bus,

And feeling real cool...
Bert walked to his classroom,
Like a big shot,
Until teacher said,
"Hey Bert,
What's that you got?
What's that you have,
Over there,
Under your nose?
It looks just like hair,
But it's dirt, I suppose...
Yes, Bert,
Why don't you go wash your face,
Then come back,
And we'll go out,
For a three legged race.."

After he washed it,
His face still looked dirty,
But it only got worse,
When the clock hit 2:30!!!
"Bert Bromis,
Haven't I ever told you enough,
Not to use the school's glue,
For that kind of stuff!

Gluing whiskers to your face,
Is a terrible trick,
What a disgrace,
You could get very sick!"

"What?" said Bert,
"I haven't used glue,"
He insisted and cried,
Until his face was bright blue.
"Well then,
Who glued hair to the tip of your chin?
Bert, you don't know,
The trouble you're in!"
Bert looked in the mirror,
And things were too weird...
He looked back at teacher,
Bert had sprouted a beard...

School was over,
And Bert went outside,
He got on the school bus,
And started to ride.
"Who's that old man,
Who got on the bus?"
Whispered six kids,
To the bus driver, Gus.
The bus was real quiet,
The kids were quite scared,
They had never before,
Seen a kid with a beard...

Why did I shave,
With my father's shave stuff?
Thought Bert,
As he tugged,
At hairs that grew gruff..
Well Bert wasn't around,
In school the next day,
Or any day after,
That one I must say...
Nobody knows,
Just what came to pass,
But Bert Bromis,
Was never,
Seen back in his class...

Back To Mr. R's Library!!!